2006-09-01 ~ 1:48 p.m.

I’m actually working on the layout for a new diary. I have thought about moving a few times, and even quitting the public diary thing for good (which really wouldn’t be much of a difference considering the past few months), but in the end I think I might stick with it. Use it or lose it I guess. I don’t know what I’m really using, or what I really think I have to lose, but I do write differently in this diary than I do anywhere else I have tried. I think in the next one I’d like to try to make it a little more like my daily journal than this. But I suppose I couldn’t even change that very much, because a public journal is an exhibition sort of thing. Why write it as if no one is ever going to read it? Naturally I tend to adopt a tone that addresses someone other than myself. Anyway, I’ve been Super-Suzan just a little too long, and so I’ll think for a while and come up with a new concept. I think the problem with me now is that I have little to focus on. I read a lot, but it’s a different kind of involvement compared to creation. Aha! The need to create! Well there we go, I’m hopelessly bored. That was a harder conclusion to draw than you would think!
I’m dieing to be involved in something. I don’t really mind keeping myself company, but jeez I need something to do.

I’ve been taking gingko biloba capsules before bed every night. They’re fantastic for memory, I didn’t believe it myself, but you should try it. It does wonders for dream recall, and I had this moment the other day where Connie couldn’t remember something though I did! It was like someone had nudged me from behind with their foot. I felt a little light turn on and I could see a picture of said event taking place. Then I proudly passed this on to Connie and she more or less agreed it must have been that way. That’s right, I remembered. Remembered! It impresses me because it was just an every day occurrence. Not something that I regarded as out of the ordinary, or was obligated to pull one of those super concentration faces until I was certain to have it stored away for later use. It just came back to me like a movie clip. I could have told you what he was wearing! Of course I cannot actually remember what it was now, but just imagine the world this is opening for me. Someone might ask me if I remember something without a painful glance of uncertainty.